To See or Not To See

To see or not to see, that is the question
I fear.
Ten years have passed
Since last I saw
A face I long ago said goodbye to.
Now at this day
The face begs me for a reunion,
And I am stuck.
I fear to see this face,
So bitter with memories that make me seethe.
Yet my curiosity pulls at thin strings
Full of weak memories,
Possibilities,
Impossibilities.
I cease to see reason
In such complications,
But forces on both sides keep pushing,
Quickening on strength,
Draining me of mine all the time.
Why must one go to such lengths to please another
When it only causes spite from myself?
A mother wears a disapproving frown
While a father wears a hopeful smile.
I want to banish it all.
No longer should my thoughts
Revolve in such circles,
Winding around and around till frozen in place.
I don’t want to consider the laws
Once held in place.
Ten years of silent void is reason to ignore
Any such request as this.
Yet still they continue to accost me
With such annoying questions.
Always the answer remains,
“I don’t know.”
How can one really know
If she’s ready to listen
To empty excuses she long ago released.
And to see the face that I loathe with such passion.
A decision still remains,
A decision I still hate.
Presently I have a choice,
But what about tomorrow?
Will later days bring such grace?
Anonymous sources inform me there’s no way
To escape such a fate as this.
I only wish I knew this all along while growing up,
Instead of having let go of something I thought long gone.
After months of disputing the delay in my head
I’m still left with nothing.
I haven’t budged an inch.
The circle will fully continue
Until I decide to make the final decision,
The one I wish I could dissolve.